OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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