what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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