so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
