you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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