You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
