it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
