the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
