So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
