Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
