Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
