the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
