this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
