Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
