Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I must be too annoying 4 u.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
