I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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