I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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