I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
