i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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