you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
