PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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