Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
