Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
