Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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