it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
