Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
