I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Randomize
