today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
