I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
wakey wakey hands off snakey
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
