I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
