Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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