My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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