sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
