Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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