I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
