im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
