So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i think i have two assholes
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Randomize
