It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I should be sponsored by Trojan
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
