She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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