So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I licked your asshole in confidence.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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