Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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