and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
please come you make the beer taste better
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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