Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
