I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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