I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
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