carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
