lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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