I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
