Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
