You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
