First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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